Sunday, August 22, 2010

You can find "reins" in senior, but I'm not talking about horses.

My panties are all in a wad these days.

I'm on the verge of bursting into tears, or scream singing the hallelujah chorus. Notice I said the word "or." The problem, friends, is that I can't decide which to do. So instead of choosing, this decision suddenly morphs into a [seriously attractive] sobbing/singing combo that doesn't sound angelic at all.

Okay, maybe I'm being a bit dramatic. I haven't actually cried.
But I won't be surprised when these flood gates burst wide open.

It's time, people.
My senior year has fast approached, and I'm curious as to whether or not I'm liking this fact. Wasn't it just last week that I was walking across the little Mingo Valley Christian School stage with my other fifteen classmates, excited to start college life?

I hardly recognize this innocent, little face full of hopes and dreams and very very unrealistic goals. Ha. She doesn't know anything.

I've been caught up in this glorious college whirlwind for so long, it feel so foudroyant [from my Word of the Day app, be impressed] to suddenly be plopped down on my tiny feet, wondering where in the world I am and [most importantly] where I should go.

There are too many question marks in my future.
I guess that's the scary part and why I
shutter to think about May.

Where will I go? What will I do? Who will I be with?

The options are limitless, and at the same time, quite limited. . .
if that makes any sense at all.

I'm worried about not getting a job post-graduation. I'm scared to have to ask my parents if I can have my old room back, and feeling like the ultimate failure. I'm afraid of ending up alone.

Basically, I'm terrified of failure. Like really.
I know everyone is to some extent, but it's like this little monkey on my back
has suddenly evolved into a giant, insatiable gorilla. And I'm just a little nervous about this
huge primate on top of me.

It's easy to "do" college and be a good student. But real life?
Life outside of Sooner football, date parties, RUF, good friends, roommates, nannying...
It's all just a tinsy bit frightening.

That being said, I plan to make the most of this last time in college.
Hello, senior year.


  1. that is the best year full of mixed emotions indeed...

    don't rush!!! :)

    goodluck and enjoy :)

  2. definitely enjoy every minute of your senior year. try not to think about what will happen next. i'm currently in the "next" stage and living with my parents. the job search is difficult! i already miss classes and having a schedule, which i swore i'd never miss. so enjoy your final year, learn something new in school and about yourself, and love every moment of it :)

  3. I hope you have a great senior year! It's bittersweet, isn't it? Being SO excited about what's to come but feeling a bit sad about leaving college life behind.

  4. Good luck to you! Everyone gets freaked out when they're thrown into the "real world" but I bet it's not as scary as you think :P

  5. Thank you for your comment on my blog! I love yours! And I am about to hit my Senior year too! We will have to compare notes on how we handle it.

    But I have a feeling we will survive. :) The Lord is good, and changes are always for our good. Even if we complain about how hard they are! Haha...


  6. im jeolous that you are still in college. I graduated a year ago. I hate how I took college for granted. I always wanted to do things but I would always say “Ugh I have all year to do it.” Finally senior year snuck up on me and then graduation snuck up on me even faster. Word to the wise.. start looking for jobs in like January!! The economy blows, and I know I watched tons of my classmates have tough times getting a job. I wouldn’t worry about the whole moving back into your parents house thing. It doesn’t make you a failure well at least to me you don’t look like a failure. About 80% of my graduating class moved back to home after. I wish I had too because then I wouldn’t have to pay rent and I would have sooo much more money then I have now. Cant wait to hear stories of your senior year!! Make it a good one!!

  7. Ahh good luck in your senior year! I'm sure the future plans will fall right into place!

  8. You'll be fine - and nobody would think less of you if you had to go back home.

    I graduated from university almost four years ago, and I'm still not sure what I want to do... but it's okay!

    Enjoy the journey and let the destination take care of itself.

    Bless :-)

  9. I totally agree. DON'T RUSH. Breathe. Enjoy.

    I wanted to be done school SO bad by the end, and now I'm wondering why I didn't breathe more and appreciate it for what it was. It sounds like you have that one up on me!

    I was terrified for the real world but wanted to be in it SO badly. I was terrified about finding a REAL job, and I got one.

    Everything falls into place like it's supposed to.

    My advise though: start looking early for a job, and don't just settle on a JOB because you think it's in your career, examine it, and ask yourself, "Is this what I'm looking for?"

    I took the first job I could get. I stopped looking...and I regret it. Yes I make decent money, yes I have flexible hours, but it's not enough, and not exactly what I wanted.

    So my advice to you that I wish I had: Relish, and be picky. This is the one time in your life that you have a little wiggle room. The idea of finding a job now and not having enough money for a car payment between new pay checks, and asking my parents for money again scares me into staying put.

    Enjoy your final year... every moment of it!!This includes the stress, the cramming, and the SLEEPING IN!

  10. I graduated with my Masters in May, after 19 years of consecutive school, and I was terrified. But I'm not living in my childhood bedroom, although I'll admit that a lot of my friends did when they graduated. It will all work out in the end, so even if you end up crashing with your parents for a while, you will figure it all out. Trust me.

  11. Good luck with your last year! I'm starting my last semester today and am trying to keep the terrified feelings at bay and just enjoy it, but they definitely creep back in from time to time. I'm headed off to the first day of my internship in 21 minutes... THIS IS SCARY!!! It really is hard to believe that I'll be walking across the stage again pretty soon when I just did it three years ago! It's like, really now? Am I supposed to be prepared for the real world now that I've taken BIO 115, Film & Literature and a hundred other courses? Oh well, we'll see. In any case-- enjoy your last year! I'm going to try my very hardest to enjoy my last few months.