Wednesday, August 18, 2010

A "pin" for your thoughts

Today was my last full day with the kids. [If you didn't already know, I'm a hip and happenin' nanny of two.] School starts back up tomorrow. To commemorate this glorious day, I thought I would blog about a few things I observed, learned, and questioned during the long summer days. These insights are coming to you straight from the Norman's Sooner Bowling Alley, where I have been at least 70000 times this summer with the chillllen. So here it is, the list. You can thank me later.

1. Why is it called bowling? There's no 'bowl' involved. It's a ball, people. A ridiculously heavy one. Well, I guess that depends on your preferences. If you have gummy, toothpick arms like me, you get the eight pounder, or the six pounder if you're lucky enough to find one where the finger holes are large enough for your over-cracked man knuckles. If you're like my ridiculously strong 11-year-old, you get the ten. Embarrassing.

2. Keeping score is complicated. I don't pretend to understand it.

3. Wearing someone else's shoes is an adventure. By that I mean, you instantly become a walking wardrobe malfunction. And while this may provide you with some strange sense of pleasure, the moist residue remaining from the shoe's previous owner will leave you questioning why you chose to pay for this in the first place. It's also humiliating to ask for a size five when your 11-year-old needs a seven. But you probably won't have that problem. Embarrassing, yet again.

4. With all the heavy ball throwing, you will most likely start to get hungry. The mozzarella sticks may seem like a good idea at the time. It's not. It never is. Just trust me.

5. Some of the old men are not there to play.

6. In case you didn't know, there apparently is proper bowling edict. I was made aware of this when a giant woman with a leather glove and unruly eyebrows yelled at me for walking up to my lane before she had finished her turn. If you have the misfortune of seeing this not-so-nice lady, you should switch lanes. And fast. Or you could wait your turn. But who wants to do that?

7. You can tell a lot about a person by how they bowl, besides how talented they may be at hurling a lead ball at still objects. The optimist will stand there filled with hope as they watch their ball fly down the lane. Even when there is absolutely no possibility of it suddenly jumping sixteen inches to the right, they will faithfully watch the heavy thing spin down the long stretch of hardwood, just in case.

The realists accept their bowling fate early. They rationally discern their ball is in fact not going in the desired direction. Ergo, they turn their backs and take a seat before the ball has a chance to hit the ball return.
The pessimist is similar to the realist, however, there is usually more body language involved. I've seen kicking, clapping, stomping, and eye rolling. I've heard cursing, huffs, and defeated sighs. They're are all super intense about it.

Needless to say, I'm not a huge fan of bowling. It's frustrating. I'm inconsistent and get easily embarrassed when my 9-year-old crushes me, game after game.
And this is without bumpers, people.


  1. I learned about bowling etiquette when an old man yelled at me for daring to bowl at the same time as him. Oopsies.
    Secret: I use the kiddie ball, the one that weighs next to nothing. And bowling makes me hungry for chili fries.

  2. Hey...its so sweet of you to stop by! :) I love that you said you were a hip and happenin' nanny! I'm sure it's so true! The book I read is called A million Miles in a Thousand Years by Donald Miller. It's a must-read. Take care!

  3. Ugh, I hate when people get mad at you for bowling when they're trying to bowl. Really, lady?? REALLY? Am I really bothering you all the way over here, trying to enjoy my day at the bowling alley?

    Next time, you should run up to their lane and slide your foot over the line that you're not supposed to step over. It disqualifies their turn and pisses them off. Also, it's hilarious.

  4. Haha, I love this post! It's cool that people can take bowling seriously (like the lady that yelled at you!) but to me it is just a GAME! But the yelling at you part = not cool.

  5. I suck at bowling, but it can be fun (especially with drinks involved). And yeah, I have no idea how they keep score in bowling which is why I only play at the places that have electronic score-keeping. Math is hard.

  6. I loathe bowling. If someone suggests going bowling I give them a glare like they just told me they killed my cat or something. Its bad. I hate the shoes, and like you said those balls are effing heavy. I started lifting recently… perhaps that will help out my game a little bit. I would say I was a realist when it comes to bowling. I accept that I am sucky at the task and I turn to go sit down before the ball even hits the pins!!

  7. Like just about everything else I occasionally attempt to play (pool, frisbee... uhhh... that's actually about it), I am totally inconsistent in my bowling abilities. Sometimes I go on a hot streak and maybe even get a strike. Other times, well, I'm happy if I score a 40.


  8. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment:-)

    SO now I know that a hip and happenin nanny is a bowling fan.

  9. haha your troubles there remind me of the big lebowski and how serious they all took it.

    for me, the only bowling I do is on the wii!

  10. Oh, I detest bowling! I'm convinced that ball will land somewhere near a pin once in 100 tosses, and it never does!

  11. I hate bowling, too! I SUCK SO BAD! And I pretty much feel like you do. Maybe the world "bowling" came about from a person who had a super thick southern accent and was trying to say "balling"... think about it.... maybe? Ehhhhh?

  12. Thanks so much for your comment! This post is the best. Your observations made me laugh so hard! But seriously, what was up with that woman yelling at you?? I wouldn't have known what to do!

  13. I absolutely loved this, it made me laugh my head off. Your blog is so adorable and clever, I simply love it!