Do ever feel like you're living your life in slow motion? No matter what you do, you can't seem to speed things up a little? It's not that you want your days to zip on past you, but you're just a little bit tired of them always
being so mind-numbingly sluggish.
Do you ever feel like your life won't slow down? You can't seem to ever find a moment to simply step back and breathe. It's all one big, scary blur and you're starting to feel a little lost in the whirlwind.
I'm caught in between.
I realize that may sound like an oxymoron. How can your life be racing past you, yet simultaneously creeping along like the tiny old grandma who somehow always ends up in front of you on the highway?
I catch myself having nostalgic moments at the most random times.
I was walking on campus yesterday and there was something about how
brilliantly the sun was shining, how busy the campus was, and how
happy everyone seemed...
It made my heart ache knowing college is almost up for me. 17 hours.
That's all that's left for me. How crazy!
What's even more crazy is having zero idea where I will be a year from
now. I just want things to sloooow down for a while.
On the other hand, I find myself consistently praying that I can make
it through the week. Whenever Evan yells at me for making him play
piano, or I get bored copyediting lyrics, or I miss Grahm so much it
hurts, I pray that my days will zip right on by. I keep staring at the
clock. The stupid tick tock toys with me as time slinks on by. I can't
help but wish it was tomorrow, or next week, or summer, or
graduation, or my wedding. And so on and so on.
Neither one of these mentalities are beneficial. Neither are satisfying.
On the one hand, you never want to experience anything other than
your current routine. On the other, you want to experience
anything BUT your present situation.
These perspectives make us miss things, BIG things. Our most satisfying
moments are the daily make up of our lives. Do you really want to miss it
because your attention was elsewhere?
Well, I sure don't.
I want to find pleasure in my present, a true contentment in my
day to day. I don't want to be constantly looking forward to the next
"best" thing, nor do I wish to be fixated with my rearview mirror, only
remembering everything how it once was.
I want to learn to be still, content.